My Peace will guide you, My Love

Well….I have arrived in this mysterious and beautiful land called Cambodia. The word from God came almost 3 years ago that I would be on a plane on June 23. Two June 23rds passed by and this June 23 it seemed inevitable that it was the time to be on a plane. Through the past 3 years of school of ministry, God has been teaching me to follow my peace…His Peace….Him living in me.

The past 3 years of school of ministry, I have spent trying to figure out the details of this trip. And here I sit, DAY 2…still wondering. God is so mysterious and so dynamic…doing so many different things in each moment and experience. So often we want to know the “meaning” or to answer the “why”, when He just wants to be with us. His agenda is to encounter us….He doesn’t seem too concerned with the amount of “ministry” we do or if things don’t go as planned. He would rather us know His presence and voice and peace…and in that trust that there is infinite meaning in my every moment on this earth.

God has been giving me little clues about this trip…and my calling…for about 5 years now. A house of healing where people get to come and get healed and restored….experience family and their dreams empowered. I have always thought it was for Vietnam and Cambodia….but He proved that it was an internal process in me that had to happen first. A “home” had to be established for Him to inhabit…then I could give away “home” to others.

So in planning this trip, I have been sort of all over the place. It is so interesting that on the other side of ministry school, I have so much religion and agenda still operating in me. God told me “I will plan your trip. If you plan it, you will plan Me out of it!” So every single time I would plan a detail that I thought was a great “ministry” idea…something would happen and it would fall through. Over and over….uncomfortably over and over! God began to show me that I so easily mistake the familiar with peace. I booked a flight into Vietnam and the next day my contact emailed me that he was unavailable to host me. And that was my final contact in Vietnam…the place I was “certain” God would take me since I would be going half way around the world. So i refunded my ticket…and the real, undeniable Peace…Peace Himself…rushed in and flooded my heart. I asked, “Am i even supposed to go into Vietnam during this trip?” he responded, “Not this trip. It’s not open for you right now. I am teaching you to follow your peace. You made decisions because it was familiar, not because you had peace.” WOW! Lesson learned. or so i thought….

I booked a ticket into Cambodia…not sure why except I had peace and favor on it. Jesus asked me where my heart really felt drawn to….and it was strangely Cambodia. I could think of a million things to “do” here…and so many ministries to meet and connect with. So i reached out…because that’s what you do…you plan your trip. I got lots of responses from ministries that were excited to meet with me. But something mysterious and super uncomfortable was happening at the same time…..i was dreaming of just being with Jesus…like hanging at the beach and worshiping and enjoying his presence. The way you would enjoy someone on a date…excited just to be with them…it doesn’t matter what you do or where you go. I was dreaming of travelling around and exploring and not having an agenda. And it drove me crazy because what I was dreaming didn’t feel like ministry…or what I was “supposed to do”! So yes…all of the “ministry” I reached out and tried to plan has fallen through. All but one dinner with a friend of a friend…and in the middle of all of what seemed to be failing, I knew I was supposed to go on June 23.

Is it enough or meaningful to come half way around the world and spend the whole trip falling in love more with Jesus. Is it enough that He wanted to teach me how to follow my peace and trust beyond what I could see or understand? What is ministry anyway? Isn’t worship and friendship with God the ultimate reason we are here on this earth? So why the discomfort when that is the only option He is presenting for a season? He has so undeniably removed me from my very busy, very full life to be with Him…because He has wooed me…because He wants me to see Him in new ways. Because He wants me all to Himself for a season. Strangely in all the falling apart of this season, I have so much peace that He knows every moment of my day and orders all the steps….and His greatest desire is that we would spend every moment together. And in that…He desires that I will be lead by Him…by Peace.

So this morning, my mind was racing…it’s having a hard time just resting in the fact that i can spend as much time with Him as I want to….that i have no agenda for the day except to fall more in love with Him and to know His presence more than ever. And wherever I journey, He lives in me and His presence is always there….and people get to encounter that even if no words are exchanged. Even if it never feels like “ministry”. There are countless reasons why God would choose to take me half way around the world….and most I may never know or understand…and even more i probably will never be able to explain to others. This trip is about me and Jesus….our extravagant date…just me and Him.

This morning He said, “What if your intercession is really important to me? What if your prayers for this land and these people are so powerful that I had to get you here for you to really press in? What if i just wanted to take you out of your normal to show you my heart for a land? Would that be ok with you? What if you never lay hands on anyone? What if you don’t meet a single contact? Would you still trust me that I know the whole story?
What if I chose you to release something in the land? What if you were the only one who said yes?” WOW!

So i covet your prayers and support for the next few weeks…. It’s exciting and scary to trust this deep. He is teaching me so many things that are really challenging me…and quite honestly bringing up stuff I didn’t realize was still in there…like fear of man and what people will think! He told me this morning “I care about your heart so much that I would lead you into a situation where you learn to trust me, follow your peace and forsake the opinions of man!”

Last night I went to sleep with incredible unrest inside…not the homesick kind of unrest…just the feeling that something needed to be answered. I read my bible…I sang…I tried to be really still and listen….and all I heard Jesus say was “I will give you a dream tonight!” So i just went to sleep. i woke up about 15-20 times (i slept for 13 hours:)) and each time I was telling Jesus “I am only staying for one month!” And each time he would respond “It’s ok…you can stay as long as you want! I deliberately did not give you an end date because I wanted you to follow your peace and choose! You chose the ticket that was the cheapest…not because you had peace. I care about your heart so much that I will let you choose.” And every time He said that I would argue back “But what will people say? What will people think?” Then I would go back to sleep. It seriously happened like 20 times. So this morning I was like “WOW! So many decisions that I make are based on lack and fear of what people think…and you just want me to trust you and follow my peace because you will never lead me astray. So we talked about my trip and each time I tried to think about any day after July 24 it made me sick to my stomach…like great unrest…total lack of peace. I love Jesus….he lets us choose and then lets us choose again to get back into peace. All that to say…..i do covet your prayers and love as I learn to follow my peace. I will only be staying for one month…and the lesson of peace continues….:)

So my brave moment today: telling the world that the plan has changed and I am following my peace even though I do not understand and my peace is more important than pleasing people.

I love you all! Thank you for all of your support and encouragement! This wild ride would not be the same without each of you! May you all encounter God in new, life changing ways today:) He is in love with you and is wooing you constantly to new places in Him!

Ciao
Brave New Girl

Be bold and courageous My Love…

#jump

Lately my conversations with Jesus have mostly consisted of Him telling me how brave I am….and it’s always in the moments I don’t feel so brave. I actually feel quite wobbly and vulnerable and exposed. And I can feel fear lurking around…whispering in my ear. And I feel myself actively choosing to listen to the Whisper of the One who knows me and every detail of my life. Jesus is always whispering and singing how brave I am… in the battles and in the ordinary moments. I asked Jesus for a picture of bravery in the Word…He gave me Joshua 1. Over and over, God tells Joshua to be bold and courageous…. I wonder what Joshua’s life looked like…I wonder what his conversations with God sounded like. The call on Joshua’s life was enormous… yet he was an ordinary man who heard the voice of His Father who believed he was born to be victorious!

I have been thinking a lot about being brave…it’s kind of a buzz word right now all over the world. My definition seems to be changing…maybe widening. People tell me all the time that they think I am so brave. One sweet friend told me “I have only known the brave girl!” I was stunned….I don’t feel brave most of the time. For a while, I thought brave meant you did something heroic in a moment…or you did something crazy like jump from the high dive! But the more I journey with Jesus (and perhaps age) I have decided that my bravest moments are in the everyday, ordinary moments of life. When I am brave, others around me get to be brave. When I am real about life and vulnerable and I let you see who I really am…I win the battle with fear! And others around me feel permission to be who they are…to feel valued in their uniqueness…to make the scary choices to live their dreams!

#brave

It is my dream to see women around the world really love who they are…to see themselves as flawless and beautiful and powerful! For me, bravery in everyday moments looks like me choosing to love the woman I see in the mirror…and choosing to believe Jesus when he tells me “You’re beautiful from head to toe…my dear love…beautiful beyond compare…absolutely flawless!” Bravery looks like not comparing myself with other women. Choosing to not entertain the lies that I have to change parts of myself to be pleasing or acceptable. Choosing to let people see me…ALL of me…even the wobbly bits:) Even the messy bits. Bravery to me looks like being messy in areas of my life and not apologizing or believing the lie that I have to “get it together” to be presentable to those around me. Bravery looks like caring for my heart…getting my wounds healed…letting Jesus speak Truth to the scary places.

So a feature..haha feature:) of this blog will be BRAVE MOMENTS…where I let you into my world…as uncensored as I can be. My prayer is that you would feel inspired to see how amazing YOU are and how amazing God is…and you would get to be brave in your own world! Without Jesus, I would still be a scared little girl with a broken heart…with Him I get to be free, brave, pure, whole, happy and fully alive!!

 

sabrina i feel

My fave artist Sabrina Ward Harrison…letting the inside out!

Celestial’s recent BRAVE MOMENTS:
-continuing to say yes to Jesus about Cambodia…even though the lack of details and money is scaring me a little
-wearing shorts…yes, cellulite has officially decided to take up residence!
-sporting the 2 piece bathing suit despite the cellulite mentioned above
-saying YES to the woman I see in the mirror…with or without makeup!
-trusting deep that God knows the man I will marry
-choosing not to compromise who I am and the desires of my heart just get married
-trusting God when he tells me He knows the plan
-trusting that knowing Him is really enough
-choosing & being ok with living differently…being a laid down lover, totally abandoned, saying Yes to God
-going to Asia b/c Jesus said on June 23 I would be on a plane to SE Asia
-letting go of my need to control and make things happen…choosing to tell Jesus and let Him work out the details
-Believing there really is enough to cover all that I need…even what I want:)
-choosing to believe everyday that I don’t have to DO anything or change any part of myself or hide any part of who I am to be pleasing or acceptable or truly loved.
-admitting i have debt and grey hairs
-deciding a thousand times in a day to not live in fantasy land…but to live from Heaven and dream WITH God

So be brave…. my brave moments look different than yours!! Own your life. Love yourself well. Let others come close enough to see the messy, wobbly bits. Let people close enough to love you…you are LOVABLE and MADE FOR LOVE!!! Let go of the self doubt, self criticism, fear of failure and judgement and embrace your amazingness! I pray Jesus would overwhelm you with so much love, you begin to day dream about living an epic life!

Ciao:)
Celestial
#bng

You call me out beyond the shore into the waves…

“Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders….Let me walk upon the waters…wherever you would call me.   Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander…and my faith would be made stronger in the presence of my Savior.”-Hillsong

The first time I heard this song it haunted me….I knew it would be an anthem that I would sing over and over.

About 3 months ago, Jesus gave me a dream one night. I was sitting on the shoreline….watching surfers surf huge waves…with the deepest longing inside….I knew I belonged out in the deep waters. I woke up asking why I couldn’t seem to move from the shore.

Lies. I believed I didn’t have what it took. That I didn’t belong out there…out there being my dream. That I would fail so it wasn’t even worth trying.

A month later, I had a second dream. I had on my wet suit…I had my board…but I was so afraid…staring at the biggest waves I had ever seen! In the dream a friend pointed out to the waves and said with such confidence “YOU WERE MADE FOR THIS! YOU WERE MADE FOR THE BIG WAVES! I BELIEVE IN YOU!”

I woke up finally knowing deep inside what it felt like for someone to cheer me on! To believe in me and my dreams!

When I was about 4 years old, on summer vacation to the beach, my brother and cousin pulled me on a raft out into the big waves…..which were WAY over our heads! They waited for the PERFECT wave and pushed me into it! I remember laughing all the way to the shore…NOT AN OUNCE OF FEAR!

I was made to laugh in the face of fear…and ride the big waves all the way in!

On the last night of ministry school (more on that later:)) a friend gave me a prophetic word…. He said I was riding a huge wave…and the wave would never end….it would carry me all around the world!

I promptly burst into tears… I’M ON THE BOARD! I’M IN THE DEEP WATERS! I’M RIDING THE WAVE!

So welcome to my journey….I am in love with a God who is Love…and His love is an endless ocean…a bottomless sea. This blog is a glimpse into my world…as i chase Love everyday…and try my best to adequately describe my encounters with Him that seem to always change everything! You are invited in. My heart is that you would experience Love and be inspired to live your wildest dreams…To go into the deepest waters and trust really big!

“I will call upon Your name. Keep my eyes above the waves. My soul will rest in Your embrace. I am Yours. And You are mine……”

XO
Celeste